Just need sometimes

Sometimes I just have a need to pour out what's inside me.  And sometimes it's not always pretty.  This morning I woke up feeling vengeful, hateful, angry, upset, wimpy, grumpy, unhappy... no, none of this is normal for me.  And when those feelings do appear they are usually pretty easily dismissed or "moved-on-from".  This morning... I felt more in touch with my flesh than I had in a long time.  What happened?  Well... nothing much... the neighborhood Bible study I had planned for last night got cancelled due to rain (more significant of an issue if most participants don't have cars and the rain comes at you from enough directions that umbrellas are basically pointless) and communication difficulties, so I spent the evening watching part of the second season of House (and getting increasingly upset with his snobbish, selfish attitude toward people), reading about George MacDonald's "wee sir Gibbie" and talking with a neighbor who came by (unfortunately, right in the middle of an upsetting House moment).  None of that really explains anything, though.  On a normal day those small "imprevistos" (Portuguese for unexpected turns of events) would hardly make a dent in my basic enjoyment of life.  What does - maybe - a little - is that I'm home alone again.  I had an incredibly delightful week of my Dad's company last week and his leaving again made me feel... empty... angry... alone... forsaken... un-cared-for.  And I'm so tired of asking people for help.  Ah - yes - I think that's the main issue.  I'm feeling extremely, uncomfortably needy and don't know what to do about it.   I had a wonderful prayer time this morning - the Lord reminded of His love, care, concern.  All of that is indispensable, but sometimes I also need... people.  Flesh and blood.  A hug.  A look of concern.  Someone asking how I am and actually wanting to know.  Someone who can stand the fact that my life has regular periods of significant emotional pain due to family circumstances that are outside anyone's control.  Pain is not a bad thing necessarily - we grow, learn, expand our lives, hearts, feelings because of it.  We become more compassionate, understanding, caring.  We are able to identify with others in their difficulties and respond with listening ears, open hearts, few words but ones that hold meaning instead of empty Job-friend soliloquys.  This is grace.  This is power.  This is joy in the Lord.  But... when pain starts becoming incapacitating instead of an instrument of goodness... well... something has to be done.  Whether or not I am correctly interpreting my closer friend's tiredness in dealing with exactly these things, whether or not I should just find a shoulder to cry on (but who?), whether or not... well... I'm just tired.  Of having to be constantly pro-active in finding the help I need.  Of never (seemingly) having it come out of the blue - easily, naturally.  Despite all my attempts to be part of small groups, etc that should be looking out for me.  Father... (yes, the one in heaven), where do I go from here?  Keep me from sinking into self-pity!  And give me grace to over-come one more time the near-incapacitating tiredness of wanting but not knowing how/where to ask for help.  I trust in your grace, Father - you have never abandoned me before and I know you will not now.  You are good.  And that is a breath of fresh air in the midst of everthing else.  Thank you.