Comes The Dawn: 2010

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Sometimes troubles come like stones dropped in your path... small annoyances to be noticed, just so you don't step on them and trip or hurt yourself. Sometimes they come as boulders - more significant barriers that cause you to alter your path somewhat and must be taken seriously. But sometimes they come like avalanches. Sometimes you jump back just in time and though you are not hurt, you look in dismay at what once was your path forward and now is a wicked mass of dirt, boulders and stones 3 meters high. Other times, it comes at you from behind, carrying you none too gently several meters forward, leaving you shocked, stunned and unsure what hit you or how to get your mind around it, covered with aches and pains from various bruises and cuts. Finally, are the worst times - when the avalanche comes down right on top of you and buries you utterly, so that at first you can't even move. You are left - hopefully - with the superntaural help of God and the essential aid of friends - to try to figure out how to dig yourself out again. Its much more difficult if you have a crushed arm or leg or some injury from the circumstances more significant than bruises. Even an accumulation of surface scratches can make life feel decidedly unbearable. So what do we do? We cry out for mercy to the one who always hears and always sees, even when we are buried deepest of all.

The Lord has answered several prayers of mine in hugely significant ways recently - several bolders far too big for me have been removed from my personal avalanche. He provided me once again with a loving family with which to live, wonderful counselers and friendships that had turned difficult are now figuring themselves out. Praise God. Looking back at my last post, I've progressed enormously - maybe I'm finally seeing the light of day through the cracks in this particular avalanche. But this morning, it felt like a second smaller avalanche threatened to bury me all over again. I'm sure my mom feels this way constantly, but that doesn't make it any more fun for me. Several friends are going through very difficult things and I happened to hear from two of them in some detail unexpectedly this morning. Life is life. Life is hard. Life is difficult. Life is a mess. Things are not as they should be. I know that's not the reality for everyone. But it seems to be the reality for far too many. Lord, help us out here. We could use a BIG helping hand. Thank you.

Lord, thank you that this is a phase. It will not last forever. It is possible to actually feel in control of where things are going and how - sometimes. :) Thank you for that. Be with us in this and thank you for your reassurance that you are taking us through. Be with my dear friends who are going through such difficult things, in some ways so similar to my own. Be with them and bless them. Give them the light at the end of the tunnel that you have given me... that is... at least it seems real enough! Thank you for that. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Just need sometimes

Sometimes I just have a need to pour out what's inside me. And sometimes it's not always pretty. This morning I woke up feeling vengeful, hateful, angry, upset, wimpy, grumpy, unhappy... no, none of this is normal for me. And when those feelings do appear they are usually pretty easily dismissed or "moved-on-from". This morning... I felt more in touch with my flesh than I had in a long time. What happened? Well... nothing much... the neighborhood Bible study I had planned for last night got cancelled due to rain (more significant of an issue if most participants don't have cars and the rain comes at you from enough directions that umbrellas are basically pointless) and communication difficulties, so I spent the evening watching part of the second season of House (and getting increasingly upset with his snobbish, selfish attitude toward people), reading about George MacDonald's "wee sir Gibbie" and talking with a neighbor who came by (unfortunately, right in the middle of an upsetting House moment). None of that really explains anything, though. On a normal day those small "imprevistos" (Portuguese for unexpected turns of events) would hardly make a dent in my basic enjoyment of life. What does - maybe - a little - is that I'm home alone again. I had an incredibly delightful week of my Dad's company last week and his leaving again made me feel... empty... angry... alone... forsaken... un-cared-for. And I'm so tired of asking people for help. Ah - yes - I think that's the main issue. I'm feeling extremely, uncomfortably needy and don't know what to do about it. I had a wonderful prayer time this morning - the Lord reminded of His love, care, concern. All of that is indispensable, but sometimes I also need... people. Flesh and blood. A hug. A look of concern. Someone asking how I am and actually wanting to know. Someone who can stand the fact that my life has regular periods of significant emotional pain due to family circumstances that are outside anyone's control. Pain is not a bad thing necessarily - we grow, learn, expand our lives, hearts, feelings because of it. We become more compassionate, understanding, caring. We are able to identify with others in their difficulties and respond with listening ears, open hearts, few words but ones that hold meaning instead of empty Job-friend soliloquys. This is grace. This is power. This is joy in the Lord. But... when pain starts becoming incapacitating instead of an instrument of goodness... well... something has to be done. Whether or not I am correctly interpreting my closer friend's tiredness in dealing with exactly these things, whether or not I should just find a shoulder to cry on (but who?), whether or not... well... I'm just tired. Of having to be constantly pro-active in finding the help I need. Of never (seemingly) having it come out of the blue - easily, naturally. Despite all my attempts to be part of small groups, etc that should be looking out for me. Father... (yes, the one in heaven), where do I go from here? Keep me from sinking into self-pity! And give me grace to over-come one more time the near-incapacitating tiredness of wanting but not knowing how/where to ask for help. I trust in your grace, Father - you have never abandoned me before and I know you will not now. You are good. And that is a breath of fresh air in the midst of everthing else. Thank you.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

What DOES God promise us?

Friends,

What a joy it is to serve our Lord and King! Wow! What a privilege to be His daughter, His princess, in these difficult times – to know that we have a security that comes not from the changing ways and times of men, not from peace in our countries or economic upturns, but from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords.

However, many times I have asked the question, “what is this security?” What is it that God promises us? Freedom from suffering? Freedom from unjust pain? Freedom from hunger, nakedness, sword? From persecution for doing what is right? From death? From poverty? In our human eyes, freedom from these things is a great liberation. But these are not the promises of our God. At times he does free us from these things. But just as often he does not. So what IS it that God promises us?

In the words of the Message version of Romans 8 (emphasis mine):

“With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us – who was raised to life for us! – is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.

We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.”

Here are God’s promises, brothers and sisters:

We will suffer – after all, we are in this world (John 16)
If we live rightly, we will suffer BECAUSE of living rightly. In fact, there is great possibility of us facing: hunger, danger, war, homelessness, hatred, hard times, backstabbing and death for the cause of Christ (Luke 6; Romans 8; etc).
No matter WHAT we go through – God is there.
No matter WHAT we suffer, God is with us and loves us profoundly.
No matter WHO gets in our way or mistreats us, God sticks up for us, giving us the grace to treat that person with grace (Luke 6)
In EVERYTHING God works to make us more like Christ (Romans 8)
God frees us from: bitterness, hatred, anger, resentment, lack of forgiveness – the diseases that eat man alive from within. He frees us also from addictions to the things of this world that destroy our lives, peace, homes and security. In short, from SIN!
He frees us from the lies and destructive work of the devil and gives us the freedom of truth and the confidence of hope. He is forever constructing, building up, renewing, rebuilding, restoring, making whole.
We WILL one day live in a perfect place that he is preparing for us. ONE DAY we will live out God’s perfect dream that we suffer no more.
He understands and comforts us in all our troubles, giving us power to comfort others in the same way (2 Cor. 1)
We have the eternal privilege of being lights in this world – of helping to bring His Kingdom here and now (see the Lord’s prayer) – bringing truth, hope, light, life, forgiveness, joy, love even to those who abuse us and seeing lives transformed as a result of His Spirit. We get to be His agents as long as we live according to His ways!
Although outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are renewed day by day.
We have been removed from the Kingdom of Darkness and made part of the Kingdom of Light.