Waiting and living, Living and waiting

Funny how I usually write on here when I'm a little moody.  Well, anyway, here goes...

Life is mostly well.  I'm wating for an answer from an interview process at Allegheny General Hospital for an Ambulatory Technician (medical assistant) job.  I guess if God wants me to have it, he'll give it to me, and if not, not.  That's a very comforting thought, given that I'm nervous about either option.  hehe.  I've never particularly wanted to work in a hospital, but this seems like a really good opportunity.

My boyfriend, Mike, and I had a great February 13th.  Haha.  We weren't going to be able to see each other on the 14th so spent yesterday (Sunday) afternoon and evening together.  Also, on the 12th we completed two months of dating, so it seemed appropriate to sort of celebrate both at once.  We're actually not going out for a nice "Valentine's Day" dinner til next weekend, due to some time and energy constraints yesterday.  It means we get to celebrate twice, so to speak :).  Can't really complain.

Life with my family is good.  Sometimes they drive me crazy, living just downstairs and knowing more about my life than any parents have the right to know about a 25-year-old daughter, but for the most part I really enjoy the fellowship with them and we get along well.  I like living with my sister, Valerie, but she's gone most of the time, as she's in a year full-time intensive BSN work.  She should be officially licensed as a nurse by the end of 2011.

Church is really good.  I love Ascension.  Its such a good church and the more I get to know the people and understand the worship style, the more I love it.  We're starting to gear up for their second mission's trip to Brazil (specifically João Pessoa) in July.  I'll be going along as a translator and can't wait to feel the hot sun on my face and shoulders and the white sands under my feet.  I've never been to JP, but have been to the main cities both north (Natal) and south (Recife) of there, and seen pictures, so have a good sense of how beautiful it must be.  Good thing we're going in the winter, since its VERY close to the equator and therefore almost unbearably hot and humid in January.

I guess in a lot of ways I feel like I am in a waiting period... waiting to see what's going to happen with this job, waiting to see how my relationship with my boyfriend develops, waiting for the trip to Brazil, waiting for a special prayer time I'm supposed to have at church on Friday, waiting for my parents to find a house and move and wondering how that'll change my life (especially because I'll be looking for a new roommate), waiting to get my college loan's paid off, waiting to start a masters (either part-time this August, or, maybe full-time in August 2012), waiting for my life to develop into something stable, solid and dependable, which it does not feel to be right now.

Waiting... thank you Lord, for the periods of waiting that tell us who we are and what is truly important to us. Thank you, also and more importantly for your solid presence when all else is liquid.

Loving you, Jesus!

Rachel

Random Thoughts

I find I use this blog for overflow thoughts.  When life is occupying all my mental energy,  I don't write much.  But when I feel restless and want somewhere to go that might - someday - be read by someone, well, here I am.  Ten months since I last wrote.  Well... if anyone's still out there with the heart to listen, read on.

I'm dating this wonderful guy, Mike.  I'm really glad the Lord has brought him into my life.  Wow, such a change since 10 months ago, feeling overburdened in Brazil.  Life still has its challenges, but I'm so overflowed with joy and abundant grace that they don't seem so heavy just now.  Thank you, Jesus, for that.

He's given me a wonderful church community at Ascension in Pittsburgh.  Thank you, Lord, for that.  The 100-year-old building in which we meet may be but a symbol of the richness of the fellowship, but somehow, the place seems hallowed... sanctified by its many years of worshipers, by the countless prayers whispered within its walls, by the many tears and abundant laughs that it has seen.  I can't thank God enough for Church of the Ascension.  Through its rich community He has provided for my every need and more.  Thank you, Jesus.

Yet life seems a little hollow right now... because... well... because Karis is still not well.  Oh, she's better than she has been in weeks.  Yet... we're just waiting for the next disaster.  What a terrible attitude, yes?  One that has been honed by far too many disappointments.  Lord, have mercy.  Christ, have mercy.  Lord, have mercy.  Lord, you speak to me and tell me that my identity is not in this, my calling and career are not to be hindered by this.  May I live into that release, Lord, that freedom, that sense of you in me calling me outward and inward.

Blessed be your name... in the land that is plentiful.

Sometimes troubles come like stones dropped in your path... small annoyances to be noticed, just so you don't step on them and trip or hurt yourself.  Sometimes they come as boulders - more significant barriers that cause you to alter your path somewhat and must be taken seriously.  But sometimes they come like avalanches.  Sometimes you jump back just in time and though you are not hurt, you look in dismay at what once was your path forward and now is a wicked mass of dirt, boulders and stones 3 meters high.  Other times, it comes at you from behind, carrying you none too gently several meters forward, leaving you shocked, stunned and unsure what hit you or how to get your mind around it, covered with aches and pains from various bruises and cuts.  Finally, are the worst times - when the avalanche comes down right on top of you and buries you utterly, so that at first you can't even move.  You are left - hopefully - with the superntaural help of God and the essential aid of friends - to try to figure out how to dig yourself out again.  Its much more difficult if you have a crushed arm or leg or some injury from the circumstances more significant than bruises.  Even an accumulation of surface scratches can make life feel decidedly unbearable.  So what do we do?  We cry out for mercy to the one who always hears and always sees, even when we are buried deepest of all.

The Lord has answered several prayers of mine in hugely significant ways recently - several bolders far too big for me have been removed from my personal avalanche.  He provided me once again with a loving family with which to live, wonderful counselers and friendships that had turned difficult are now figuring themselves out.  Praise God.  Looking back at my last post, I've progressed enormously - maybe I'm finally seeing the light of day through the cracks in this particular avalanche.  But this morning, it felt like a second smaller avalanche threatened to bury me all over again.  I'm sure my mom feels this way constantly, but that doesn't make it any more fun for me.  Several friends are going through very difficult things and I happened to hear from two of them in some detail unexpectedly this morning.  Life is life.  Life is hard.  Life is difficult.  Life is a mess.  Things are not as they should be.  I know that's not the reality for everyone.  But it seems to be the reality for far too many.  Lord, help us out here.  We could use a BIG helping hand.  Thank you.

Lord, thank you that this is a phase.  It will not last forever.  It is possible to actually feel in control of where things are going and how - sometimes.  :)  Thank you for that.  Be with us in this and thank you for your reassurance that you are taking us through.  Be with my dear friends who are going through such difficult things, in some ways so similar to my own.  Be with them and bless them.  Give them the light at the end of the tunnel that you have given me... that is... at least it seems real enough!  Thank you for that.  In Jesus' name, Amen. 

Just need sometimes

Sometimes I just have a need to pour out what's inside me.  And sometimes it's not always pretty.  This morning I woke up feeling vengeful, hateful, angry, upset, wimpy, grumpy, unhappy... no, none of this is normal for me.  And when those feelings do appear they are usually pretty easily dismissed or "moved-on-from".  This morning... I felt more in touch with my flesh than I had in a long time.  What happened?  Well... nothing much... the neighborhood Bible study I had planned for last night got cancelled due to rain (more significant of an issue if most participants don't have cars and the rain comes at you from enough directions that umbrellas are basically pointless) and communication difficulties, so I spent the evening watching part of the second season of House (and getting increasingly upset with his snobbish, selfish attitude toward people), reading about George MacDonald's "wee sir Gibbie" and talking with a neighbor who came by (unfortunately, right in the middle of an upsetting House moment).  None of that really explains anything, though.  On a normal day those small "imprevistos" (Portuguese for unexpected turns of events) would hardly make a dent in my basic enjoyment of life.  What does - maybe - a little - is that I'm home alone again.  I had an incredibly delightful week of my Dad's company last week and his leaving again made me feel... empty... angry... alone... forsaken... un-cared-for.  And I'm so tired of asking people for help.  Ah - yes - I think that's the main issue.  I'm feeling extremely, uncomfortably needy and don't know what to do about it.   I had a wonderful prayer time this morning - the Lord reminded of His love, care, concern.  All of that is indispensable, but sometimes I also need... people.  Flesh and blood.  A hug.  A look of concern.  Someone asking how I am and actually wanting to know.  Someone who can stand the fact that my life has regular periods of significant emotional pain due to family circumstances that are outside anyone's control.  Pain is not a bad thing necessarily - we grow, learn, expand our lives, hearts, feelings because of it.  We become more compassionate, understanding, caring.  We are able to identify with others in their difficulties and respond with listening ears, open hearts, few words but ones that hold meaning instead of empty Job-friend soliloquys.  This is grace.  This is power.  This is joy in the Lord.  But... when pain starts becoming incapacitating instead of an instrument of goodness... well... something has to be done.  Whether or not I am correctly interpreting my closer friend's tiredness in dealing with exactly these things, whether or not I should just find a shoulder to cry on (but who?), whether or not... well... I'm just tired.  Of having to be constantly pro-active in finding the help I need.  Of never (seemingly) having it come out of the blue - easily, naturally.  Despite all my attempts to be part of small groups, etc that should be looking out for me.  Father... (yes, the one in heaven), where do I go from here?  Keep me from sinking into self-pity!  And give me grace to over-come one more time the near-incapacitating tiredness of wanting but not knowing how/where to ask for help.  I trust in your grace, Father - you have never abandoned me before and I know you will not now.  You are good.  And that is a breath of fresh air in the midst of everthing else.  Thank you. 

What DOES God promise us?

Friends,

What a joy it is to serve our Lord and King!  Wow!   What a privilege to be His daughter, His princess, in these difficult times – to know that we have a security that comes not from the changing ways and times of men, not from peace in our countries or economic upturns, but from the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. 

However, many times I have asked the question, “what is this security?”  What is it that God promises us?  Freedom from suffering?  Freedom from unjust pain?  Freedom from hunger, nakedness, sword?  From persecution for doing what is right?  From death?  From poverty?  In our human eyes, freedom from these things is a great liberation.  But these are not the promises of our God.  At times he does free us from these things.  But just as often he does not.  So what IS it that God promises us?

In the words of the Message version of Romans 8 (emphasis mine):

“With God on our side like this, how can we lose?  If God didn’t hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn’t gladly and freely do for us?  And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God’s chosen?  Who would dare even to point a finger?  The One who died for us – who was raised to life for us! – is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us.  Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ’s love for us?  There is no way!  Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture:

They kill us in cold blood because they hate you.

We’re sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.

None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us.”

Here are God’s promises, brothers and sisters:

1. We will suffer – after all, we are in this world (John 16)
2. If we live rightly, we will suffer BECAUSE of living rightly.  In fact, there is great possibility of us facing: hunger, danger, war, homelessness, hatred, hard times, backstabbing and death for the cause of Christ (Luke 6; Romans 8; etc).
3. No matter WHAT we go through – God is there.
4. No matter WHAT we suffer, God is with us and loves us profoundly.
5. No matter WHO gets in our way or mistreats us, God sticks up for us, giving us the grace to treat that person with grace (Luke 6)
6. In EVERYTHING God works to make us more like Christ (Romans 8)
7. God frees us from: bitterness, hatred, anger, resentment, lack of forgiveness – the diseases that eat man alive from within.  He frees us also from addictions to the things of this world that destroy our lives, peace, homes and security.  In short, from SIN!
8. He frees us from the lies and destructive work of the devil and gives us the freedom of truth and the confidence of hope.  He is forever constructing, building up, renewing, rebuilding, restoring, making whole. 
9. We WILL one day live in a perfect place that he is preparing for us.  ONE DAY we will live out God’s perfect dream that we suffer no more. 
10. He understands and comforts us in all our troubles, giving us power to comfort others in the same way (2 Cor. 1)
11. We have the eternal privilege of being lights in this world – of helping to bring His Kingdom here and now (see the Lord’s prayer) – bringing truth, hope, light, life, forgiveness, joy, love even to those who abuse us and seeing lives transformed as a result of His Spirit.  We get to be His agents as long as we live according to His ways!
12. Although outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are renewed day by day.
13. We have been removed from the Kingdom of Darkness and made part of the Kingdom of Light.

I could go on and on… the fruit of the Spirit provides a great summary.  For those who live for Christ experience…

Love

Joy

Peace

Patience

Goodness

Kindness

Faithfulness

Gentleness

Self-Control

Coming from God Himself and in every increasing degrees.  Is it worth the very real sacrifices?  I say YES!

Blessings and love,

Rachel

The last few days

So, I'm sitting here quietly in the minutes before I head to bed and realize that it is the perfect moment to write on my blog.  My aunt, uncle and cousin Sarah have all gone to bed, one of their dogs (Possum) is curled up beside me under a blanket, and Chiaki-san and Kiesa (the other canine members of the family - Sarah's chiwuawa that, thank God - and I mean that literally - she has trained not to yip, although it does lick hands rather convulsively if given the chance, and a medium sized dog whose breed I cannot specify, although I know it has one - i.e. it is not merely a mutt.  Possum is a grayhound - the miniature kind) are also already asleep.  In the background, a soloist sings, "I need thee, oh, I need thee... every hour I need thee" and I find myself in a rather dreamy mood.  Therefore, this will not be the much-anticipated (haha - did anyone even read it?) continuation of the last post, but instead a more quietly reflective and probably/possibly less controversial piece.  In fact one thing I would like to do is capture the last few days for immortality because they were truly lovely, love-filled and joyful.

I arrived in the Dallas-Fort Worth (DFW) airport Monday morning around 8:00 Central Standard Time (noon São Paulo time) and was promptly swept up and taken to breakfast by my aunt - Jennie Kornfield (formerly Brown).  After wandering around a mall (unsuccessfully) looking for exciting Christmas gifts for my cousin Claire, we headed back to get Sarah from DFW, as she was coming in from an early end to her semester up at U of Penn, where she is getting a doctorate in comm - specifically gender roles in the media; a fascinating area of study about which we've had many delightful conversations recently.  Eventually we headed home in time for a lovely walk with the dogs and a nap before heading to a bee-keepers convention dinner that evening (my aunt is spasmic about bee derivatives - i.e. honey and wax - and their many uses and my cousin is a walking encyclopedia on the topic - if you're curious how that came about, ask her sometime).  After a delightful 11 or so hours of sleep (it is very difficult to sleep on the overnight plane ride from Brazil), I spent a day being utterly lazy.  I needed it.  It was so bad, I didn't even change out of my pjs (this was also occasioned by the glass aquarium I attempted to transport to the US for my sister Karis, which promptly broke on the way here, covering my clothing with miniature - but nonetheless cutting - bitsies and pieces of glass.  Oh well... sorry Karis.  Maybe next time!).

Three days later, we have not only shaken out and washed my clothes to assure that they are free of glass, but we've also managed to remove the slight mold smell that accompanied them from my wardrobe in São Paulo. It turns out I'm alergic to mold, so it was delightful to be coughing, sneezing and snuffling a good deal less.  Not to mention the watery and itchy eyes.  Thank you A. Jennie!

So, in the last days, I have also had a delightful time watching sit coms that include both a male and female main character and that Sarah is analyzing for her doctorate, chatting with my aunt about her nursing work (she has been recently been examining and scolding a bunch of firemen), hearing about my cousin Claire's enjoyment of her work as a speech-language therapist and thoughts of doing a doctorate in philosophy, in part to get away from a nasty headmaster at one of her schools, and bike-riding and hanging out with my Uncle Bill, my dad's quieter, less ambitious and insightful younger brother and Kiesa (the bike-riding part.  Well, she was on 4 paws but generally kept me going about as fast as I was up for!).

Today I also managed to get some left-over work done on the MAPI site - go me!  Tomorrow I'll hopefully send out the first MAPI e-news letter in Portuguese, after my Dad has time to make corrections.  So much progress... hopefully to soon cease as I plunge into vacation full force.

This delightful paradise of good food, good laughs, delightful insights and meaningful conversations, well shift to a different set of mouths as I head north to Pittsburgh on Saturday.  My sister Val gets there the day before I do (Dec. 18th) and my brother flys in on Christmas Eve.  Everyone else is already there.  Hurray for family! What would we ever do without them?

Love and blessings,

Rachel

After All, How Involved IS God?

So... wise and intelligent people like Benjamin Franklin considered themselves deists - believers in the existence of a single god, but not in his direct involvement in our world.  Such a belief can spring from the perception of the non-action of a divine being in teenage years and/or adulthood, while simultaneously feeling impossibilitated, by teachings from one's childhood and the natural and scientific evidence of order and law in the universe, as well as its hard-to-explain beginning, that a creative god must exist, must be a god of order and some level of goodness, but a god utterly distant, a god to whom it does no good to pray and with whom there is no direct relationship - the most we can gain spiritually is an ever-deeper intimate connection with his created beings, human and otherwise.  This person might believe on some level in Gen. 1-2, or at the very least Gen. 1:1, but dismisses all the rest of the Bible as imaginary.

On the other extreme are those who believe in a god or gods that are involved in absolutely everything and are more or less subject to our control - from this belief in an all-encompassing spiritual reality springs numerous religions.  In fact, perhaps the true extreme on this other end is the belief that everything IS god or at least a part of god and god IS everything.  Within the Christian spectrum, the most extreme belief that I know of - and a very common one - is found in some fundamentalist or pentecostal traditions which claim that anything and everything is possible through faith - healing of any sickness or pain at any time; wealth that springs from nowhere or anywhere; freedom from spiritual attack independent of lifestyle; etc.  "If you only have faith", these people claim, "your friend/sister/brother/mother/father/child/etc will be healed".  Naturally if they are not, then its your fault.  After all, it can't be God's, now can it?  Few realize that while rejoicing in God's tremendous power and ability, these people nonetheless subject Him to little more than a slave, available whenever wanted to do their wishes as long as you know how to pull the string of faith and summon him.  The concept of God having a will of His own that does not coincide with ours, and that sometimes it is not bad to experience pain, is either rejected or never imagined until a true experience with God or of unmitigated suffering DESPITE faith sadly knocks down this house of cards.

Thousands if not millions of people are caught in this network of lies, impeded by their beliefs from experiencing the freedom and joy of walking with the Lord who gives peace and strength to make it through suffering and even, in certain cases, embrace it.  These Christ-following groups believe themselves "Biblical" in the sense that they are constantly reciting bits and pieces of the Scriptures.  However, they generally come from the less educated half of the world's population and neither they nor their leaders realize that the words they claim so prayerfully are taken out of context and that the original inspired authors generally intended to communicate something very different than they understand.  It often takes a significant level of theological education for this perception to sink in.

Human experience demonstrates the falsehood of both extremes: if any intelligent and educated group of researchers started to investigate all the nooks and crannies of claims of God's intervention in people's lives, they would probably be astonished at what they would find.  Despite all the fictitious, spurious and fanciful tales of miraculous intervention in the world, the number of documentable real cases is overwhelming once you start to notice it.  In fact, just about any Christian biography will tell of impossible things happening as the protagonist seeks to follow the will of God.  In order to dismiss them, you would have to call thousands of men and women who have contributed invaluably to human well-being in societies across the world, not only liars bur potentially lunatic.  Interestingly, though, the tales of miracles are not limited only to those with a conscious faith in Christ.  Similar difficult-to-deny tales exist throughout the history of almost any religious belief system.  So although this does not prove what invisible force(s) is (are) at work, it provides evidence upon evidence that SOMETHING spiritual really goes on in our world, whether people are alone or together, Muslims, Hindus, believers in Vudu or Satanists, born-again Christians, philosophers, psychologists, poets, artists or musicians, the illiterate or among the academic elite, wealthy south-Asians or poverty-stricken Americans.

The other extreme becomes hard to sustain for various reasons:
1. If god is everything and everything is god, than god must includes all good and all evil and it is hard to explain god inflicting suffering on god.  It also seems to follow that we would know we were gods, as would butterflies and fishies and that we would be far less vulnerable to the apparent winds of fate.
2. Of all the beliefs alternate to monotheism, the idea of various gods external to the physical world with various levels of power and divergent desires and whims seems the most logical.  After all, doesn't it sometimes feel like SOMETHING out there is mad at you and causing everything to go wrong one day, while the next two you float through on a dream before having a so-so one?  The problem is, almost every such belief system that has existed has been shown to be little more than superstition - it can be proved that most attempts to placate the "gods" do very little or nothing in actuality, that what they do accomplish are statistically more coincidental than causal.  But is this always the case?  Undoubtedly not - in some cases it is, once again, very evident that spiritual forces ARE at work in response to religious processes - or at least human senses so indicate.  People work a spell and someone DOES fall sick, a counter-spell is used and they mysteriously get better.  This is most evident in traditional African religious contexts and in places that have been influenced by them, like Brazil.  However, does that mean certain "gods" are real?  How DO we gain a sense of what spiritual forces are at work in the end?

Hmm, I'm out of time.  My lunch break is over and I have a lot to do.  I'll have to continue this one later.

Love and blessings,

Rachel

So I haven't written on here for... what... a whole couple of days!  And when I did it wasn't very personal.  Like my parents were saying yesterday on the phone - my life has been incredibly intense recently and it makes it feel like a lot more time is going by than actually is!  As they also point out, it makes me hard to keep up with.

I'm definitely ready for vacation.  And even MORE ready to be with my family.  Yay Pittsburgh!  Here we come!

And that's all I have time for at the moment! :D  Time to work on packing.

love and blessings,

Rachel

Part of "Mr. God, This is Anna" - the last bit.

Really the whole book is too precious to miss, but this is just the last bit:

I had been given a bundle of books some time previously, but I hadn't bothered to undo them.  There didn't seem to be much point.  It was one of those idle moments; I didn't know what to do with myself.  [The war years] had made my eyes tired with looking and my ears ache with listening.  Some sign, some vision, just for a moment.  I picked up the books.  They didn't seem all that interesting.  Nothing seemed very interesting.  I flipped through the pages.  It wasn't until my eyes fell upon the name Coleridge that I stopped the pages of the book slipping through my fingers.  For me Coleridge is at the top of the heap.  I began to read:


'I adopt with full faith the theory of Aristotle that poetry as poetry is essentially ideal, that it avoids and excludes all accident, that its...'


I turned back a few pages and began to read again.  ...


'The process by which the poetic imagintation works is illustrated by Coleridge from the following lines of Sir John Davies:


"Thus doth she, when from individual states
She doth abstract the individual kinds,
Which then reclothed in divers name and fates
Steal access thro' our senses to our minds." '


.... A few lines further on my eyes caught one word, 'violence'.


"The young poet', says Goethe, 'must do some sort of violence to himself to get out of the mere general idea.  No doubt this is difficult, but it is the very art of living.'


It slowly began to make sense, the bits began to fall into place.  Something was happening and it made me cry; for the first time in a long, long time I cried.  I went out into the night and stayed out.  The clouds seemed to be rolling back.  It kept nagging at the back of my mind.  Anna's life hadn't been cut short; far from it, it had been full, completely fulfilled.


The next day I headed back to the cemetery.  It took me a long time to find Anna's grave.  It was tucked away at the back of the cemetery.  I knew that it had no headstone, just a simple wooden cross with the name on it, 'Anna.'  I found it after about an hour.


I had gone there with a this feeling of peace inside me, as if the book had been closed, as if the story had been one of triumph, but I hadn't expected this.  I stopped and gasped.  This was it.  The little cross leaned drunkenly, its paint peeling off, and there was the name ANNA. 


I wanted to laugh, but you don't laugh in a cemetery, do you?  Not only did I want to laugh, I had to laugh.  It wouldn't stay bottled up.  I laughted till the tears ran down my face.  I pulled up the little cross and threw it into a thicket.


'Ok, Mister God', I laughed, 'I'm convinced.  Good old Mister God.  You might be a bit slow at times, but you certainly make it all right in the end.'


Anna's grave was a brilliant red carpet of poppies.  Lupins stood gard in the background.  A couple of trees whispered to each other whilst a family of little mice scurried backwards and forwards through the uncut grass.  Anna was truly home.  She didn't need a marker.  You couldn't better this with a squillion tons of marble.  I stayed for a little while and said goodbye to her for the first time in five years.  


As I made my way back to the main gates I passed by hordes of little marble cherubs, angels and pearly gates.  I stopped in front of the twelve-foot angel, still trying to lay down its bunch of marble flowers after God knows how many years.


'Hi, chum', I said, saluting the angel, 'you'll never make it, you know.'


I swung on the iron gates as I yelled back into the cemetery.


'The answer is, "In my middle".'


A finger of thrill went down my spine and I thought I heard a voice saying, 'What's that the answer to, Fynn?'


'That's easy.  The question is "Where's Anna?" '


I had found her again - found her in my middle.


I felt sure that somewhere Anna and Mister God were laughing.  


(By Fynn, Fontana/Collins, London, England 1974)

... And a little child shall lead them...

Written to a good friend

Dear good friend,

I read the following thoughts by John Eldredge recently and thought of you, as he argues convincingly about something that troubled me in your attitude toward yourself. I don't know what you think of John Eldredge personally, and I myself think he is over the top on some things, but in this particular text I think he is right on the button. Parts in bold are my special emphasis and parts in [ ] are comments of mine.

No Good Thing?

Excerpts from pages 74-79 of Waking the Dead

In an attempt to explain the biblical doctrine of sine, we've let something else creep in. You'll hear it come up almost automatically whenever Christians talk about themselves: "I'm just a sinner, saved by grace." "I'm just clothes for God to put on." "There sure isn't any good thing in me." It's so common this mind-set, this idea that we are no-good wretches, ready to sin at a moment's notice, incapable of goodness, and certainly far from glory.

It's also unbiblical.

The passage people think they are referring to is Romans 7:18, where Paul says, "For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) dwelleth no good thing" (KJV). Notice the distinctino he makes. He does not say, "There is nothing good in me. Period." What he says is that "in my flesh dwelleth no good thing." The flesh is the old nature, the old life, crucified with Christ. The flesh is the very thing God removed from out hearts when he circumcised them by his Spirit. In Galations Paul goes on to explain, "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified their sinful nature [the flesh] with its passions and desires" (5:24). He does not say, "I am incapable of good." He says, "In my flesh dwelleth no good thing." In fact, just a few moments later, he discovers that 'the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death" (Rom. 8:2, KJV).

...

And listen to the way he [Paul] talks about us: "You shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life" (Phil. 2:15-16). As Shawn Mullins sings, "We're born to shimmer; we're born to shine." You are supposed to shimmer. "Let your light shine before men" (Matt 5:16). All of this groveling and self-depreciation done by Christians is often just shame masquerading as humility. Shame says, "I'm nothing to look at. I'm incapable of goodness." Humility says, "I bear a glory for sure, but it is a reflected glory. A grace given to me." Your story does not begin with sin. It begins with a glory bestowed upon you by God. It does not start in Genesis 3; it starts in Genesis 1. First things first, as they say.

... It was only after [God] made you that he said, "It is very good" (Gen. 1:31).

[this part will be especially useful to you guys in your relationships with the female sex, although I know only too well that women are not the only ones who obsess uncertainly about their looks]

... A woman wants to know that she is truly a woman, that she is beautiful; she longs to know that she is captivating; and all her life she wonders, "Do I have a beauty to offer?" The poet Yeats wrote,

If I make the lashes dark
And the eyes more bright

And the lips more scarlet

Or ask if all be right

From mirror after mirror

No vanity's displayed:

I'm looking for the face I had

Before the world was made.

("Before the World was Made" from the poem "A Woman Young and Old")

Yes, that's it. When you take a second glance in the mirror, when you pause to look again at a photograph, you are looking for a glory you know you were meant to have, if only because you know you long to have it. You remember faintly that you were once more than what you have become. Your story didn't start with sin, and thank God, it does not end with sin. It ends with glory restored: "Those he justified, he also glorified" (Rom. 8:30). And "in the meantime," you have been transformed, and you are being transformed. You've been given a new heart. Now God is restoring your glory. He is bringing you fully alive. Because the glory of God is you fully alive."

Well... now its me, Rachel, again. Wow, right? I recommend the whole book, but that's the section that especially made me think of you. The phrase, "the glory of god is man fully alive" actually comes from Saint Iranaeus in the second century (REALLY near the beginning :D ). I would just add a couple more Biblical passages, which I am putting almost in their entirety because they are SO good and thanks to the ease provided by Biblegateway.com. Emphasis mine, of course.

2 Corinthians 3

1 Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? ...

4 Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. 5 Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. 6 He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

7 Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, 8 will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? 9 If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! 10 For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. 11 And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!

12 Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.13 We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. 14 But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. 15 Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. 16 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 18 And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 4

Treasures in Jars of Clay

1 Therefore, since through God's mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. ... 6 For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness," made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10 We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11 For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. 12 So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

2 Corinthians is my current favorite book of the Bible.

Love and blessings,

Rachel